


Do You Wanna Get High?

by MorbidAesthetic



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Depression, Drug Use, F/M, Gen, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Light Angst, M/M, Minor Character Death, Recreational Drug Use, bisexual netherlands
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-11
Updated: 2017-02-11
Packaged: 2018-09-23 13:21:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 997
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9659213
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MorbidAesthetic/pseuds/MorbidAesthetic
Summary: Hazy drugs and the feel of the Italian under his fingers make Lars reflect on his life, and how he had gotten to this point.





	

The knock at the door is sudden, but not unexpected.  
An Italian teenager is let inside,  
Soaking wet and shivering with the rain dripping off of his coat.  
He just walks to the fireplace  
That the other didn’t know he’d left on

He puts his hands to the fire  
Close enough to warm, but not to burn.  
The Italian says something  
But it takes a minute for it to register.

“Do you want to get high?”  
Is what he says.  
The older nods, and the teenager leaves  
To go get the drugs.  
He’s been here enough times  
To know exactly where they are

The Italian, Lovino  
He used to buy from him,  
When he had just turned eighteen  
And was legal

After the first time  
They were more careful.  
Ending up in bed together  
Was not supposed to happen again  
But it did, many more times

He couldn’t help it.  
Because the Italian had smooth skin  
Dark, soft hair  
And such a nice face  
So it happened many times

Emma rarely mentioned that  
She knew about the drugs  
And it was certain that she knew  
About him and Lovino  
Even though she used to tease him  
Back when they were all in grade school

The drugs were bad for him  
But they kept his mind off of it  
Off of everything.  
And it let him get closer to the Italian  
Without thinking about consequences

Consequences weren’t always bad  
And he knew that  
But sometimes he couldn’t stand  
Seeing his sister look on afterward  
With sad eyes  
At what had happened to them  
Since they had been children

Parents often got angry  
And the purple left afterwards  
Left angry marks on their skin  
Matching each other  
Though he tried to protect Emma  
Because sometimes it would work.

When they were kids  
And age still mattered to them  
Sometimes he would go out  
Because one of his friends  
Could get him drugs

Antonio was a year older  
Looking eighteen  
So they would find and smoke  
Usually cigarettes  
Pot if they could get it  
And ended up making mistakes  
Once or twice

They never mentioned it after  
And never did it again  
So eventually it was forgotten

Girls had always fawned over him  
But he only liked them to screw around with  
And it was rare when there was anything more

Emma had been experimenting  
So he pushed the girls towards her  
Even though she told him that she was just fine  
To get them on her own.

Eventually she grew out of it  
And started looking for boys  
She dated Lovino for a week  
But they broke up  
For reasons that she wouldn’t tell  
And the Italian wouldn’t betray.

Sometimes him and the Italian  
Would talk, usually while high  
And maybe one of them  
Would let something slip  
Something that they’d never told  
To anyone  
And they would be closer for it

But today  
They sat in silence  
Instead of focusing  
On what they came there for  
In the first place

There was no need to say anything  
Just a comfortable silence  
Between two people.

They didn’t speak,  
Even though they both should  
See a shrink if they want  
To lift some of the bullshit on their shoulders.

A dead brother,  
One undefined relationship  
Siblings that rarely talked,  
And pot.  
That was what defined him,  
In his mind.  
That was Lars, who by self-identification,  
Was shit at any sort of relationship  
And didn’t know what he was doing  
With the beautiful Italian.

Younger sibling already married,  
Still screwing his drug dealer.  
That undefined relationship,  
And brothers that had a one-sided  
Rivalry, because he couldn’t  
Talk to his brother  
Without escalating into things  
He didn’t want to talk about,  
Things he avoided.  
That was Lovino,  
Called Lovi by anyone close to him,  
Who was in love with his drug dealer. 

Brother who smoked pot  
Memories of angry adults  
Raising their hands  
Becoming angrier when she flinched.  
Avoiding talking about the past,  
Especially about her younger brother.  
Married with a kid,  
To the man that used to get drugs  
In high school.  
An ex-boyfriend, screwing her brother  
Slash drug dealer, and seemed  
To want to get high as much as he did.  
That was Emma,  
Who loved her husband,  
But often wondered what life would be like  
Outside of the marriage.

Married to the girl he took to prom,  
A retired drug dealer.  
Taking care of children,  
And telling himself that he was happy,  
Not knowing whether or not  
It was the truth.  
He remembered the time  
That Lars and him had been friends,  
Maybe more than that.  
That was Antonio, married with a kid,  
And still wondering if he was actually happy,  
Or if he told himself that to get through the day.

A dead teen,  
Rotting in the ground.  
Nothing but bones now.  
The worms and beetles liked him,  
And so he made friends with them.  
He would try to be the pickle in Emma’s big Mac,  
Or the pot in Lars’ joint.  
He missed his siblings,  
And wished he could tell Lars  
That all was forgiven.  
He wished he could tell him  
That he would have committed suicide later in life anyway,  
If the overdose hadn’t killed him.  
That was Luka, a boy who had never grown up,  
Friends with the bugs and worms who decomposed  
His body, and the boy who never  
Lived to tell anyone  
About the turmoil that the bruises caused  
And how his siblings could use a shrink.

Missing his older brother,  
Never knowing why they stopped talking.  
Doesn’t know about his brother’s friend,  
And doesn’t know about his older brother’s  
Drug habit.  
Married to a soldier,  
And often facing the consequences  
Every day that he was awake.  
Wanting to call his older brother,  
Wanting to call Lovino,  
But fearing he’d just get a voicemail,  
Instead of his sibling’s voice.  
That was Feliciano,  
Always wondering about his husband  
And his older brother,  
But too afraid to ask,  
In case he bothered them too much.


End file.
